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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27053206">Candlelight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aban_ataashi/pseuds/aban_ataashi'>aban_ataashi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Alchemist's Fire (Mercury's Story) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pathfinder: Kingmaker (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Fluff, a bit of ruminating on the endgame choices made by me queen, hinted past Baroness/Nyrissa, vague discussion of ending decisions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:21:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27053206</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aban_ataashi/pseuds/aban_ataashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Mercury scrambled for a way to better describe her feelings, until her eyes finally fell upon the candle burning low on the table beside the bed. She jolted up and grabbed it, narrowly avoiding dripping wax upon the bedsheets. “I think of life as something like a fire. We all know it will burn out eventually. But that just motivates us to make better use of the light and the warmth while we still can.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Pretty words, my love," Kanerah said in a low voice. "But dying is not so peaceful as snuffing out a candle."<i></i></i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>The Baroness/Kanerah (Pathfinder: Kingmaker)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Alchemist's Fire (Mercury's Story) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2272073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Candlelight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>“The only trustworthy witness to our having lived is our absence.”  </p><p>(includes discussion of endgame decisions, so vague spoilers ahead!)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why did you choose this?”</p><p>The question, posed to Mercury just as she was falling asleep, took her by surprise. Mercury rolled over to face Kanerah, meeting the other woman’s wide awake and curious eyes. Her tone was uncommonly quiet and thoughtful, and the playful smile she typically wore was replaced by something far more subdued.</p><p>“The bed?” Mercury replied, hoping to lighten the mood. “I thought you liked it. And the sheets are such a lovely color.”</p><p>Her jest worked, partially, and Kanerah scoffed and rolled her eyes fondly. “I am not talking about the <em>bed, </em>you silly woman.” She shifted her position, rising and resting her chin on hands, keeping her gaze fixed on Mercury in a way that made it clear she was now being serious. “What I meant is, why in the world aren’t you immortal right now? To have endless life offered to you on so many occasions, and yet still be here. Normal and mortal just like the rest of us…”</p><p>Kanerah’s voice faded, and she sighed heavily before gathering herself to speak again. “I’ve tried to wrap my head around it, but it makes no sense. Why did you choose this?”</p><p>Mercury didn’t have an answer, not right away. No one had asked her this, not outright, although many must have wondered. She should have known it would be Kanerah who finally said the words out loud. And for that she deserved an honest answer, so Mercury thought long and hard about the choice she’d made, about what she had turned away. On one hand, the favor of the Lantern King, a being with power beyond imagination. On the other, a blessing from Nyrissa, the nymph who had for so long haunted her dreams. Either way, eternal queendom had been at her fingertips.</p><p>“Well,” Mercury said, “it all sounds rather boring, doesn’t it?”</p><p>Whatever Kanerah had been expecting, apparently that wasn’t it. “<em>What?”</em></p><p>“Living forever, even as a queen… you don’t think that would get old after a while?”</p><p>Kanerah scoffed, her disbelief plainly evident. “Only you would look at such an offer and call it tedious.” She tilted her head, studying Mercury intently. “You aren't truly serious?”</p><p>Mercury twirled a string of hair around her finger as she thought over her next words. “It’s just that it’s not really <em>life, </em>what they offered me. Life is growing and changing and progressing. Nyrissa and the Lantern King, they’re just stuck in their cycle. Forever at war, but not actually achieving anything. Just an endless loop of the same struggle. They’re immortal, but what actual enjoyment do they reap from it?” Mercury shook her head. “And anyway, their offers came with strings. Service to one or the other. Fighting battles that were never mine. They can keep that kind of immortality. I like <em>my</em> life, mortal though it may be.”</p><p>“I suppose I should have expected that much from you. You are <em>horribly </em>stubborn when you wish to be,” Kanerah said, a smile flickering across her face despite the uncertainty that still lingered in her expression. “But honestly. You weren’t even a little tempted? Not by the Lantern King, perhaps, but…by Nyrissa?”</p><p>Mercury bit back a frown at that. She still wasn’t sure how she felt about Nyrissa. She had tried so hard to save the cursed nymph, had reached out again and again. And again and again, Nyrissa had made her choice. She had good in her, Mercury had to believe that, but if Nyrissa insisted upon ignoring it, there wasn’t much she could do. In the end, Mercury had to make a choice of her own.</p><p>“Nyrissa…” Mercury began, the name weighing heaving on her tongue. “She and I never saw things the same way. She wanted to conquer, to see her war through to the end. She wanted it so badly it blocked everything else out. I can’t stand the thought of that. I want to make my kingdom a beautiful place, with the people I love. I want to take care of my family and my subjects. I want to live on my own terms. I want a real life with you, I want to grow old together, I want to watch our children grow up and know that the kingdom will be theirs after we’re gone!”</p><p>Mercury scrambled for a way to better describe her feelings, until her eyes finally fell upon the candle burning low on the table beside the bed. She jolted up and grabbed it, narrowly avoiding dripping wax upon the bedsheets. “I think of life as something like a fire. We all know it will burn out eventually. But that just motivates us to make better use of the light and the warmth while we still can.”</p><p>"Pretty words, my love," Kanerah said in a low voice. "But dying is not so peaceful as snuffing out a candle. Trust me on that. You are no stranger to rash decisions, you know, and I worry...that you don't fully understand the consequences of what you've done. You don't know what it's actually like."</p><p>Mercury was silent for a moment. Kanerah didn't often talk about her death- not really. Not like this. "Does that mean you would have chosen immortality, given the chance?"</p><p>"Yes," Kanerah said, then hesitated. "Maybe. I can't say I look forward to experiencing death again, no matter how far off." She frowned, her brow furrowed in thought, but after a moment her expression softened. "Then again, this life you speak of, a life with <em>you</em>...I would choose that over anything. Even eternity."</p><p>Mercury beamed, but Kanerah rushed to speak again before she could be interrupted. "But I was not offered the choice, was I? You were. And you did not have the experience of death to make an informed decision. You don't understand, you <em>can't.</em> Not until you face it yourself."</p><p> "I may not have died, but I'd say I've faced death a few times," Mercury pointed out with a wry smile. "I know myself, and what I want. I know what I'm choosing. Why does that worry you?"</p><p>"Because what if..." Kanerah sighed and leaned closer, her eyes lingering on the small, dancing flame in Mercury's hands for a long, silent moment before she finally spoke. “What if you're wrong about what you want? What if you find that the candle is not enough? What if, years from now, you find that you have regrets after all?”</p><p>Slowly, Mercury set the candle back on its place, and then gently gathered Kanerah’s hands in her own. She lifted her hands and pressed a kiss against the other woman’s fingertips. “Then it’s a good thing I have you, isn’t it? Because I treasure every moment of our life together, and so long as I get to experience that, I’ll never regret a thing.”</p><p>There never was a sight so beautiful as Kanerah’s smile, and seeing it now only reinforced Mercury’s certainty.</p><p>“Charmer,” Kanerah whispered with a devilish grin, leaning close to kiss her.</p><p>“Only because I mean it,” Mercury replied as their lips met. And she <em>did </em>mean it. Because this- life and love and Kanerah in all her fiery passion- was a reality worth both living and dying for.</p><p>“Meant every word, did you?” Kanerah hummed against her lips and murmured “So tell me, what was that about children?”</p><p>Mercury broke the kiss with a self-conscious laugh as she tried to remember what <em>exactly </em>she’d said in her rambling. “Oh, well, I know we haven’t really talked about that yet, and even if we decide to it won’t be for a good while yet, I just-”</p><p>“It’s an intriguing idea.”</p><p>Kanerah’s words stopped Mercury short, and after taking a moment to process what she’d said, a smile formed on her lips. “It is?”</p><p>“It is,” Kanerah agreed firmly, leaning forward to continue their kiss. “But we have plenty of time to discuss that in the future.”</p><p>And they did have time, Mercury knew. Not forever. But a long time, full of happiness, was enough for her.</p>
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